Attorney Michael de Broglio on: South Africa, Law, Politics, Attorneys, Sport, Photography, Technology, Gadgets, Media, Crime, Road Accidents Fund,
Divorce, Maintenance, Personal Injury, Medical Negligence
Some of you may think it is a bit of a strange topic for me to write on, but actually with three daughters it is always a topic of conversation with my wife. I am not an expert on men, but I did go to five different high schools and I think that gave me a very good grasp of different types of people and men in particular.
I think once people get older looks are not necessarily the main criteria, as they are when you are 15 or 16, but obviously everyone wants a husband that does at least look semi-decent and tries to stay half in shape. What I would be looking at, and it is normally reflected in the person’s shape as well in any event, is for someone who is intelligent, hardworking and motivated. Intelligence can be defined in so many different ways and as most of you know there are many people who have University degrees who are complete fools and some people who do not have any formal education who are extremely bright. When I talk about intelligence, I am not talking about what the person’s education is, but I am talking about whether they are curious, inquisitive, an interesting person to speak to who is well versed and knows what is going on in the world in the spheres that interest them. That is how I would see intelligence. Anybody can study a book upside down and regurgitate it forwards and backwards if they learn hard enough – but that is not going to be enough to really succeed in life, although it may help you to a certain, sort of mid-level and certainly to a few distinctions at school, maybe even at University too. Somebody who combines intelligence with hard work will usually do well in life and I don’t just mean financially – they might be one of the best journalists in the world, and although they may not be earning a fortune, they will still be somebody great to be married to and living a decent life. Motivation is so important, because you get so many incredibly bright, super-intelligent people who just are not motivated and as a result never really achieve their full potential. Those that don’t achieve their full potential often become whiners, complaining about how other people got lucky, or this happened, or that happened, etc instead of really just looking in the mirror and accept they are the person who is lacking in motivation and are really the source of the problem.
I am sure that everybody will have their own criteria and they will put all sorts of things down – for some people one issue is more important than anything else in the world – although that is usually what they say before they marry and once they are married there is a complaint and I would end by saying that no man, and indeed woman – is perfect and everybody has their flaws in some way or other and sometimes in multiple ways.
I would certainly think though, if in choosing a person to spend the rest of your life with, you look for somebody intelligent and hardworking, that life would be far better than having a layabout lying on the couch at home, complaining and whining about how life is unfair. I guess ultimately, the one thing I cannot put up with is laziness. If you are coming to this planet only once, don’t you owe it to yourself to at least put in some hard work on whatever you do – be it work, sport, social activities, etc – but make a proper effort and so the number one worry that I would have, if a friend or family member of mine was getting married to somebody, would be whether that person is hardworking or not. That is my criteria, and you may have different thoughts – let me know what you think.
Posted by Michael de Broglio on Monday 26-Jun-17
Post a Comment
Comments
Melissa van Tellingen said:
on Wednesday 12-Jul-17 08:19 AM
I enjoyed this blog. I am extremely blessed with a husband who loves me just as I am. For me the number one important thing is if he is a man of God. He should be hard working, intelligent and funny. My husband ticks all these boxes. It's important to love each other and support each other. It's your life partner after all.
Ashleigh said:
on Tuesday 11-Jul-17 08:31 AM
For me. Looks is the last trait you should look in a man. I think the best man you could marry is a trustworthy man. A man that never tries to pull wool over your eyes. Without trust, your marriage and even your life is like pulling wool over your eyes.
Joyce said:
on Wednesday 05-Jul-17 05:00 PM
I think somebody who is a hard worker, intelligent, motivated and caring, would be the best choice when choosing a person to spend the rest of life with.
Sarah said:
on Tuesday 04-Jul-17 10:08 AM
I think choosing your husband or wife is someone that builds you and helps you grow, A marriage must come from both sides, both people must be 100% in the marriage .
Brenda Du Toit said:
on Tuesday 04-Jul-17 10:06 AM
Take everyday as it comes i would say, a relationship is not based on what your partner looks like. You have to support each other as a couple. Have respect for each other be loyal and love unconditionally.
Jessica M said:
on Tuesday 04-Jul-17 09:49 AM
I must agree with you, many times I have spoken to people who do have degree's but lack common sense which honestly for me is THEE WORST TRAIT!! If ever you show me you don't have common sense I already find you to be stupid. I also don't go for looks only because sad truth is that fade's too. I pick a person as to how they make me feel. I find that people who go purely for looks land themselves in a very terrible position and a very unhappy relationship for the rest of their lives. But if you want to be shallow and think that, that's what you deserve then good luck to you.
Zindy said:
on Tuesday 04-Jul-17 07:47 AM
I agree, Looks are not really a criteria anymore it is definitely about personality. The person you choose to marry should make you happy in all aspects. A relationship is built up on trust, honesty, and hard work. Its not to say it will always be easy as everyone has there arguments but how you choose to handle the situation will also determine how strong your relationship is.
Cornelie said:
on Monday 03-Jul-17 04:32 PM
You will never know if you are choosing the right husband until you have made the mistake of choosing him. A marriage is two ways respect and love is the most important thing an a relationship.
Tersia said:
on Monday 03-Jul-17 07:25 AM
I do agree to have someone at your side who is hardworking and has ambition in life. When in a relationship you will become more like the person you are with and if you are with someone who is lazy and who doesn't look after themselves well you will also feel "why should I care, if you don't". Something that is also very important for me among other things is honesty. I really can't stand it when someone is lying, it's really an ugly characteristic to have. I also can't understand why you would want to lie, it always catches up to you in the end and then you have made everything much worse.
Thabitha said:
on Friday 30-Jun-17 04:28 PM
This is a very difficult one especially when you have daughters, choosing a partner is not easy but Respect is the key and working hard is also important.
Prishani said:
on Friday 30-Jun-17 04:27 PM
People are always giving advice on who you should marry and why and what to look for. I think if you find a hard working partner half your battle is won, you will be with a person that will motivate you and inspire you to do and be your best. If you find a hardworking partner it already says alot about the quality of their character in general.
Helen said:
on Friday 30-Jun-17 11:12 AM
I have daughters too, and for me and my husband I would say the hardworking quality is very important, so many qualities we wish to see but we are all not perfect!
For everyone in the world there is the perfect match. Just in the right time and on right place!
Liesl said:
on Thursday 29-Jun-17 02:48 PM
Dr Phil wrote a book "Love Smart", quite the interesting read, he writes that obviously the qualities that initially attract you to a man are not necessarily the ones that will make him a good long term partners and endeavours to teach the ladies out there to distinguish between the hound dogs and the quality guy pedigrees
Liz said:
on Wednesday 28-Jun-17 04:31 PM
Choosing the right person to spend the rest of your life with is such a huge decision and one that should not be taken lightly. I believe there are attributes such as being hardworking, motivated and intelligent as well as "requirements" that one simply cannot compromise on, but I also do not believe that one should have a check list set in stone.
Henrietta said:
on Wednesday 28-Jun-17 04:14 PM
That old saying "a daughter choose a man just like her dad" is somewhat true. If I look at my husband and my dad they are a lot alike. Curious, adventurous, people's person and the list goes on. I also believe if you have set a good example for your kids they won't necessarily settled for less. Unfortunately I agree that sometimes you can not choose who your heart loves. My mom use to say that you'll kiss a lot of frogs before you'll find your prince. I agree with a lot of your qualities in this blog. If you don't have a hard working intelligent person how are you going to keep conversations. Your partner must have ambitions and I agree, a relationship is a two way street not a one way. Good luck with the son in laws
Melissa said:
on Wednesday 28-Jun-17 03:41 PM
It is very important to choose the right person to spend your life with, someone who is willing to live life to the fullest and to work hard in life to accomplish their goal. It is important to make the right decision. My life long partner is someone who is not lazy to work or to take on new challenges, someone who makes you happy and except who and what you are!
Michelle said:
on Wednesday 28-Jun-17 02:15 PM
Choosing the right partner is obviously very important. As you will be living with that person for the rest of your life and raising a human in some cases. I will expect my future husband to be a hard worker, as he needs to help me provide for us. Respect to each other is very important and so the list can go on. But I think the most important thing know is that you will never get the perfect partner. The couple always need to work on the marriage, to at least try and make it perfect.
Angelique P said:
on Wednesday 28-Jun-17 07:14 AM
This is so important. I think that this is one of the biggest decisions you can make in life. To choose a lifelong partner is so important but in many cases you can't help falling in love with a person. I rather love a person than to spend the rest of my life with somebody that I don't love. Money CAN NOT buy happiness.
Sinead said:
on Tuesday 27-Jun-17 03:38 PM
Wow there is actually so much that can be said about wanting or asking or praying for the "perfect partner". Everyone's perfect is different. Who are we to judge what perfect really is? I know that I'm not... And I feel like we are sometimes never truly satisfied as human beings...
You do not need a man (or woman) to make you happy. And if you are unhappy, you should not be looking for it elsewhere. "Be happy in your own house before opening the door for someone else." And I really do believe that.
I quite like what Juliet said: "You can only be your best and set an example for your kids and hope they follow suit" and that is exactly what I strive to do!
With all of that being said, I have no criteria because I have seen it all. The ugly ones cheat. The cute ones are lazy. Books worms are sometimes no fun. Some educated guys can't dance. Everyone has a flaw!! So make the most of what you have with whoever you have it with and if it doesn't work out, then there is someone better suited for you out there :)
Yes there are traits that attract me to a person, like the way he is around his friends/ family compared to being about mine. His ability to hold a conversation? And having similar interests. Woooooow (/_-) I think I just realized while typing this that there are more things that annoy me than attract me to a person. Is that bad?
Jadine Richards said:
on Tuesday 27-Jun-17 01:32 PM
I am in total agreement with your thinking. However, my generation has been groomed by society to think that intelligence is based on the number of degrees you have and that it is absolutely essential to have that drop-dead gorgeous person on our arm at all times. Unfortunately, we learn what is more important not long after the ring has been placed on the finger and then we go on and hope that we make the right choice later. A choice based on way more than how many degrees you have or how gorgeous you are! Lesson learnt to late! I trust that the day I decide to get married, I will remember the older generation's wise words such as contained in this blog.
Jolene said:
on Tuesday 27-Jun-17 10:18 AM
Interesting blog, they always say look how a man treats his mother and you will have a good indication of how he will treat you. One of the most important qualities for me is respect. When a man respects you everything else will fall into place. Getting married is a huge step and I think a lot of people are getting married too young and for all the wrong reasons. Money is convenient but love and happiness is something that you cannot buy. For me there also have to be some attraction, I personally think that is what keeps the spark going.
Intelligent and hardworking should definitely also be on top of the list. I won’t date a guy that is unemployed, I’m also not your slave, I’m not there to cook and clean for you. We both work full time and we both do our part at home, we don’t live in the 1800’s anymore.
Suzanne said:
on Tuesday 27-Jun-17 09:13 AM
I think it is very important to choose the right husband (or wife). This person needs to support you and help you reach your own life goals. I love what Alexis said here "there has to be something about a person which intrigues me", I feel exactly the same. Brains, degrees and looks are all important, but how you make me feel and how we reach our individual and couple goals together is what makes me happy. I do however agree with you - laziness is a BIG no-no.
Alexis said:
on Tuesday 27-Jun-17 08:29 AM
Looks are nothing in my eyes, there has to be something about a person which intrigues me. Of course you do not want a lazy layabout and you want someone with some brains and doing something with their life....it adds to the attraction. But be a good person, be that person that lifts your partner up instead of bringing them down, make the effort, make the effort to make your family life great. Does not have to be extravagant....a simple life, filled with love, trust, honesty
Lourien said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 04:46 PM
Hardworking is definitely one of the aspects you should look for, but I believe everything should be done at moderate rate. Working hard but also know where you should be able to draw a line and be able to relax and have fun, intelligence is extremely important as you need to be able to communicate and be able to understand one another. I would also want that person to love the nature and enjoy outdoor activities and being with family but always keeping in mind that you should have balance.
Tamaryn said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 10:04 AM
Intelligence and an enquiring mind has always appealed to me far more than anything else- No. 1 on my list. Give me brains over a gym bunny who has never read a book in his life any day! I went on a date a few years back where my date had no idea what "antipasti" was- he long though it was something that was anti pasta! Something small but I gathered that was only the tip of the iceberg. There was no second date.
patrick said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 09:26 AM
It is a difficult area indeed because is not possible for one person to have all the good qualities. moreover, its possible for ant person to all of sudden change and become somebody completely different. one way or the other it is a game of chess.
Daniella said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 09:00 AM
My personal criteria would be someone that has a sense of humor because life is way too serious, intelligent, and can handle my mood swings. I also do need to have someone motivating, motivated and supportive. But It does work both ways I also need to be supportive, motivating and be able to handle his mood swings or else its all one sided and that wouldn't be fair
Juliet said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 08:50 AM
I agree with this and cannot tolerate laziness. My mother taught all of us to be hardworking, to the point of missing birthday parties because we were busy at home cleaning or doing homework. There just was never any debate. The only time I ever remember my mother (even today) sitting on a couch is late at night after the house is sparkling, she has worked all day and even then she is holding a book. No slouching. However, in terms of a husband, you can put a person through every check and tick, and get the best man ever, and he dies a year into the marriage or every other woman has also noticed was a success he is and he has multiple affairs. My focus is just to ensure that I am the best I can be and every one must choose what life they want to lead. You cannot mother a person, you can only be your best and set an example for your kids and hope they follow suit.
Angelique Jurgens said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 08:40 AM
Something I definitely agree with. I have dated guys who are really good looking but aren't particularly smart and I must say it is difficult to have a conversation and slightly embarrassing playing even a simple board game with friends like 30 seconds where your partner doesn't know anything. Looks are not everything - my personal criteria is intelligence, stability, loyalty, the ability to make us laugh and the person needs to be motivated! This often however, involves education - in this day and age if you have a job there is nothing stopping you from furthering your education - one just needs to sacrifice a few luxuries and it can be done. (Even if it takes longer than expected) I am not materialistic but I feel that I would like to live a good life later and not worry about money. I don't particularly want to support a man or a family on my own. I would like to enjoy life and send my children to good schools. In this day and age that means that both myself and my partner need to earn a decent living in order to do so. I am not always extremely religious but there is one verse that I wholeheartedly believe in and perhaps it is because it is something my mother always mentions constantly "Be equally yoked". I don't want to get into it because everyone has their own opinion on what that exactly means. It definitely is somewhat nicer when exam time comes and you both have to study and both are excited to get your results etc. There is nothing sexier than a man who constantly wants to do better. My advice would be to not just settle with any hot Tom but make sure that the person makes you happy but that he is also able to fend for himself and you!
Nina said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 08:35 AM
I agree with this blog. I would however also add that I think it is important that the person you spend the rest of your life with, knows what is important in life and is willing to always make time for you and your children.
Anna said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 08:26 AM
Loyalty, being trustworthy and having a sense of humour should also be high on your list when choosing a partner. Motivation, intelligence, resilience and the ability to work hard and strive to be the best person you can be are absolute no brainers for me. My marriage didn't work for several reasons but the fact that my ex-husband didn't work for an extended period of time and couldn't motivate himself to get off the couch to look for work were the first few nails in the coffin.
Clare said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 08:26 AM
When you looking to settled you need to find someone that values you and makes you happy, always at you side no matter what. Looks to me don't matter but I do have my attraction in the arms part of a man.
Bianca N. said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 07:34 AM
I think you should be with someone who makes you want to be better in every way. Someone who will share your values and who will motivate you and support you.
Jessica Apfel said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 07:30 AM
This is quite a subjective topic and though I agree with your criteria for the most part I do not agree with all. I myself am a sporting person and my partner and I enjoy playing many sprts together, however I do not think that 'shape' should be dubbed a 'criteria'. People share different commonalities and being active (although healthy) may simply not be one of them - and they shall continue to lead a happy life together. Intelligence is a biggie - but as said, intelligence can be defined in so many ways! I have a keen interest in politics and though my partner does not, it does not make him less inteeligent. He is certainly well versed in other fields where my commentary is minimal. None the less, an interesting read on a Monday morning!
Jadine E said:
on Monday 26-Jun-17 07:08 AM
When you choose a partner, it would be someone who motivates and wants to see you succeed, and vice versa.
Johannesburg based attorney specializing in personal injury matters including Road Accident Fund claims and medical negligence matters. My interests include golf, reading and the internet and the way it is constantly developing. I have a passion for life and a desire for less stress!
